Our home accommodates a secret thriller room I didn’t even know was there till nearly a yr after we moved in. At some point I used to be sitting alone within the backyard trying up on the little spherical window close to the height of the again roof, when it occurred to me that I had by no means seen the view out of that window.
I went into the home and up the steps, solely to find that the window didn’t exist from the within. I made the journey to the backyard and again a number of occasions, the ultimate time main my spouse exterior by the wrist.
“What room does that window look out from?” I mentioned, pointing up.
“Huh,” she mentioned. “I’ve by no means seen that window.”
After some time it turned clear – type of – that the window belonged to a little bit loft above the oldest one’s bed room, though there was no entry to it: the ceiling of the bed room under is totally plastered over.
Generally I mirror on what is perhaps up there – some gold bars maybe, or a colony of protected bats. However I largely don’t give it some thought as a result of it provides me the creeps. The thriller of the key room hadn’t crossed my thoughts in at the very least a yr, till my spouse began planning.
“I’m going to have a giant cabinet right here,” she says, spreading her arms alongside a piece of kitchen wall.
“There’s already a cabinet there,” I say. “Aren’t we trying proper at it?”
“That’s freestanding,” she says. “I would like built-in, and all the best way alongside.”
“Gained’t it block the door?” I say.
“Midway then,” she says.
“Gained’t that look bizarre?” I say.
“I knew you’d be like this,” she says.
“I’m simply frightened it would make the house appear smaller,” I say.
“Now we have no storage!” she shouts. “No place to place something! What do you recommend?”
“I recommend we throw away half our stuff,” I say.
“Or we may simply throw away all of your stuff,” she says.
“If it prevents this cabinet, I’ll think about it,” I say.
A variety of my spouse’s enchancment proposals are predicated on the fond hope that our youngsters will lastly depart dwelling in 2023. This is the reason the sudden want for further kitchen storage perplexes me.
“Critically,” I say. “After they’re gone we’ll solely want, like, a frying pan and two forks. We will share a mug.”
“You perceive nothing,” she says.
My spouse’s plans additionally embrace transferring us into the oldest one’s former bed room, which was immediately colonised by the center one when the oldest one moved out, and can most likely be commandeered by the youngest one finally.
“But when they each go this yr, we should always most likely be in there,” my spouse says. “It’s the most important room.”
“It may very well be even greater,” I say. “Don’t neglect in regards to the thriller room above it.”
“I hadn’t considered that,” my spouse says. Little lights go on behind her eyes, and I realise I’ve inadvertently rekindled her lust for added space for storing as soon as extra.
I’m sitting in my workplace shed after I immediately discover one thing: our neighbour’s rear extension has an similar spherical window in the identical spot.
Two days later my spouse returns from subsequent door with a load of images on her telephone, of a dimly lit house crammed with junk.
“She’s acquired folding stairs going up there, and you’ll nearly rise up within the center,” she says.
“Does it have a flooring?” I say. My spouse stops scrolling by means of the pictures to stare at me.
“In fact it has a fucking flooring,” she says.
“I imply, did she need to put a flooring in, or was there already one?”
“Oh,” my spouse says. “I didn’t ask.”
“As a result of we don’t actually know what we’ll discover till we rise up there,” I say, fascinated by the chances: a mummified cat; a skeleton in an Edwardian marriage ceremony costume.
“She mentioned the folding stairs had been costly, however you shouldn’t skimp.”
The following day I discover myself looking by means of high-end folding loft ladders, questioning how a lot we’re going to finish up spending, or what number of evil spirits we’re going to unleash, with the intention to have someplace to maintain our Christmas lights.
Then I believe: that is all of your fault, since you noticed that little spherical window, and also you couldn’t depart properly sufficient alone.