Expensive Annie: I’m a latest widow with an in-law drawback. My late husband was a beneficiant man and steadily lent cash to his household, typically with out my data. He did inform me a number of months earlier than passing away that he had lent his brother, “Simon,” a number of thousand {dollars}.
Simon has at all times been considerably of a bully, to not point out a identified thief and a poor cash supervisor, however he promised to repay my husband after Simon acquired an anticipated work-related settlement. Simon may be considerably intimidating to me (and to others), so I approached his sister to ask her recommendation about this since we turned conscious that Simon’s settlement had been acquired.
She provided to carry up the topic with him, and lo and behold, he exploded, saying that he didn’t owe me a factor as a result of he borrowed the cash from my husband, not from me, and since my husband died, he owes nothing to anybody! I do know this is unnecessary, however Simon has at all times “gotten away” with convoluted logic comparable to this. (I ought to add that his household has at all times tolerated and enabled his habits.)
Are there any affordable methods to handle this? Or ought to I merely write off a number of thousand {dollars} that I do really want since shedding my husband? — Grieving and Not Ready For a Confrontation
Expensive Grieving and Not Ready: I’m so sorry for the lack of your husband and now the stress you’re enduring all as a result of Simon received’t preserve his phrase. It’s affordable to strategy Simon one-on-one and easily ask him to carry up his finish and repay the mortgage. The settlement could have been labored out between him and your late husband, however that cash was doubtless shared between the 2 of you, as most issues are in a wedding. In case your husband have been nonetheless alive, he will surely need the cash repaid to him, per their settlement, and if to not him, then to you.
If Simon can not repay it suddenly, talk about installments on a fee schedule that works for you. Relying on the sum of money and the state you reside in, you possibly can strive pursuing the problem in a small claims court docket. If want be, it could be price consulting a lawyer to see what authorized recourse you will have for recollecting the mortgage.
Annie Lane writes the Expensive Annie recommendation column.
Expensive Annie: I’m engaged to an incredible man and love him dearly, however I get jealous after we’re with mates and different females present up. I’ve gone residence early on a number of of those events and trusted that he would make good choices in these conditions, particularly as a result of he is aware of that I’m a jealous individual.
I don’t keep up all night time ready on him as a result of I belief him, however it appears that evidently as soon as I am going residence, he has extra enjoyable and doesn’t make it residence for one more 4 hours or extra, so how ought to that make me really feel? I can’t wait to marry this man, and I need to really feel like I don’t have a motive for my jealousy and insecurities. I simply don’t know learn how to get there alone. — Bitter Bride to Be
Expensive Bitter Bride: You’ve mentioned it twice: You belief your fiance. It appears like he’s given you no motive to doubt him prior to now, and these continued, unfounded anxieties will solely result in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe he feels freer to take pleasure in himself and the corporate of those mates if you’re not there as a result of he doesn’t have to fret what the “jealous individual” in you may do in these social settings.
The excellent news is you don’t need to do the work and “get there” alone. Enlist the assistance of a therapist to work by these jealous tendencies and private insecurities — and shortly. They’d make for a horrible basis on which to construct your fast-approaching marriage.
“How Can I Forgive My Dishonest Companion?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — that includes favourite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is on the market as a paperback and book. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for extra data.
Ship your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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