Not having the ability to revenue from the royalties on “Blue is the Color”, they need to play “Good previous Arsenal” earlier than kick-off says Gooner Fanzine author Alistair Coleman
Why we shouldn’t snigger at Chelsea [checks notes] Why we SHOULD snigger at Chelsea
When Ben Kenobi stated “You’ll by no means discover a extra wretched hive of scum and villainy” in Star Wars, Sir Alec Guinness was clearly referring to Chelsea’s Stamford Bridge floor.
And the previous Jedi was additionally completely appropriate.
You see – in 1986, lower than a decade after he uttered that immortal line, I used to be charged a pound for a Wagon Wheel at Chelsea soccer floor, a grudge I nonetheless maintain to today. That was thirty-six years in the past and I’m nonetheless not able to forgive.
Based on the Financial institution of England’s inflation calculator, that pound is £3.12 in right now’s cash, or the equal of 13 Freddos. An outrage in anyone’s e book.
So, the information that the sanctioning of Roman Abramovich and his pots of cash may imply the downfall of Chelsea Soccer Membership as London’s prime oligarch-funded success story leads me to suspect that the Wagon Wheel karma has lastly been paid off.
This being the pure order of issues, and within the shadow of present tragic occasions in Ukraine, one shouldn’t mock our easy cousins at Stamford Bridge. It is a most unlucky and never solely unexpected flip of occasions, and we should always act with dignity.
However I’m going to anyway, and urge the federal government to impose the next ten additional sanctions on the Blues, as a result of they’d be humorous:
1) Take away the U-bends on the urinals in order that when the followers go for a piss, the piss goes throughout their footwear
2) Not having the ability to revenue from the royalties on “Blue is the Color”, they need to play “Good previous Arsenal” earlier than kick-off.
3) Their casuals are solely allowed to beat themselves up outdoors Fulham Broadway tube.
4) The First XI to be chosen via a random draw of the membership’s season ticket holders. Convey your boots on matchday, you may get fortunate!
5) All of John Terry’s winners podium outfits to be seized
6) Solely Tesco Worth cleaning soap for the crew tub, and glossy white paper within the bathrooms
7) Solely season ticket holders from earlier than the Abramovich takeover in 2003 shall be allowed to attend matches
8) In reality, dismantle your complete floor, restore the previous Shed and the terraces a mile from the pitch, which is to be restored to its legacy swamp standing with vehicles parked across the perimeter
9) Dave Beasant again in objective, and Dennis Smart taken on as cloakroom attendant for away supporters
10) Ken Bates reinstated as chairman, free to cost no matter he likes for Wagon Wheels
These measures, I’m positive you’ll agree, are For The Good Of The Sport.
They need to additionally go some approach to remind Chelsea followers who the actual victims of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine and the actions of its kleptocratic inside circle actually are.
– not them.
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Learn Alistair Coleman within the new Gooner Fanzine
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